How to stop comparing yourself to other people

You open your phone for a minute and close it feeling behind. Someone else has the job or the relationship you have been praying for. Nothing about your own life changed in that minute, yet you feel worse about it.

Comparison is an old problem. The Bible speaks to it, and so does UK mental health advice.

What comparison does

The Mental Health Foundation says that comparing ourselves with others, online or offline, can undermine self-acceptance and self-esteem and lead to feelings of inadequacy. It notes that online comparison may do the most harm when we spend a lot of time comparing our lives with the highlights of other people’s (Mental Health Foundation).

The NHS says that when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can harm your mental health and lead to problems such as depression and anxiety (NHS).

What the Bible says

In Galatians 6, Paul writes:

“But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.” (Galatians 6:4, NKJV)

The point is to look honestly at your own work, not to measure yourself against someone else. The next verse says each person will bear their own load (Galatians 6:5). Your life is the one you answer for.

Paul says something similar in another letter. He warns that people who use each other as the measuring stick are not wise (2 Corinthians 10:12).

Jesus dealt with comparison too. At the end of John’s Gospel, Peter sees another disciple following and asks Jesus what will happen to him. Jesus tells Peter that is not his concern. Peter’s part is to follow (John 21:20-22).

God also made people different. Paul compares the church to a body with many members, and says God set each member in the body just as he pleased (1 Corinthians 12:14-18). We have different gifts, given by grace (Romans 12:6). David praises God for the way he was made (Psalm 139:13-14).

Practical steps

These ideas come from the Bible and from UK mental health advice.

1. Notice the moment. The Mental Health Foundation suggests catching the moments when you slip into comparing, and being more deliberate about your time on social media. It says deleting the apps from your phone for a while could help.
2. Unfollow or mute for a while. If certain accounts leave you feeling insecure, the same article suggests unfollowing them for a time.
3. Look for real life as well as highlights. It also suggests seeking out content that shows the behind-the-scenes side of people’s lives.
4. Write down the truth. The NHS suggests writing down the negative beliefs you have about yourself, then writing evidence that challenges them. It suggests keeping a list of at least five positive things about yourself and adding to it (NHS).
5. Be kind to yourself. The NHS suggests thinking about what you would say to a friend in the same situation.
6. Examine your own work. Following Galatians 6:4, measure your progress against where you were a year ago.
7. Pray for the person you envy. Thank God by name for what he has given them.
8. Use what God gave you. If you are a creative, read our post on using your gifts as a Christian creative.

Where comparison comes from

Comparison is often tied to identity. When you are unsure who you are, other people become the measure. Start with What does “identity in Christ” actually mean?

Two more posts go deeper. Who told you that you were naked? looks at shame in Genesis 3. Jacob, Esau and the danger of a borrowed identity looks at a man who pretended to be his brother.

Tea Time With Thandie comes back to comparison more than once. Episode 5, Who Told You That, connects Genesis 3 to comparison and worth. Episode 8, Borrowed Identity, looks at comparison and control in the story of Jacob.

If you need help now

• If your life is at risk, or you do not feel you can keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E (NHS).
• For urgent help with your mental health, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option, or use 111 online.
• Call Samaritans free on 116 123, at any time of day or night.
• Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential support by text, 24 hours a day (Shout).

For more conversations about identity and worth, listen to Tea Time With Thandie.