What makes a good Christian friend?

Good friends are a gift. They make hard days easier to carry and good days more fun. For Christians, friendship is also one of the ways God shapes us.

The Bible has a lot to say about friendship. Here is what it shows about a good Christian friend, and how to become one.

A good friend sharpens you

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17, NKJV)

Sharpening involves friction. A good friend does more than agree with you. They ask good questions and push back when you need it. You come away from time with them a little more like Jesus.

Ask yourself honestly: do my friendships make me sharper, or duller?

A good friend helps you up

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, NKJV)

The next verse explains why: “if they fall, one will lift up his companion” (Ecclesiastes 4:10, NKJV). It goes on to pity the person who falls with no one there to help.

Everyone falls at some point. It might be grief or illness. It might be failure or doubt. A good friend notices and comes close. They do not wait to be asked.

A good friend is honest

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6, NKJV)

Flattery is easy. Truth told in love is harder, and worth much more. A good friend will tell you when you are wrong, and will do it kindly and in private. You can trust what they say because you know they are on your side.

A good friend is faithful

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17, NKJV)

Some friends are around when life is fun. A good friend is still there when life is hard. Proverbs also speaks of “a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, NKJV).

A good friend shares your joy and your pain

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15, NKJV)

Both halves are hard. Weeping with someone means staying with them in their sadness without rushing to fix it. Rejoicing with someone means celebrating their good news, even when you are still waiting for yours.

That second part shows up comparison quickly. If you struggle to be glad for your friends, read how to stop comparing yourself.

David and Jonathan

The friendship of David and Jonathan is one of the closest in the Bible. We read that “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1, NKJV).

Jonathan was King Saul’s son. His father told him that as long as David lived, Jonathan’s own kingdom would not be established (1 Samuel 20:31). Jonathan protected David anyway. Later, when David was on the run, Jonathan “arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God” (1 Samuel 23:16, NKJV).

That last phrase is a good description of Christian friendship. Jonathan pointed David back to God.

Jesus calls us friends

The greatest friendship is the one Jesus offers. He told his disciples, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15, NKJV). He also said:

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13, NKJV)

Jesus is the model. A good Christian friend loves in a way that costs something.

Choosing friends wisely

Friends shape us. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20, NKJV).

Jesus spent time with all kinds of people, and so can we. Still, think carefully about who is closest to you. Their habits and attitudes will rub off on you.

Some questions to think about:

• Who do I go to when life is hard?
• Who tells me the truth, even when it is uncomfortable?
• Who strengthens me in God?
• Who am I being that kind of friend to?

How to be a good friend

• Pray for your friends by name.
• Check in, especially when someone has gone quiet.
• Keep confidences.
• Say sorry quickly when you get it wrong.
• Celebrate their wins out loud.
• Respect their limits. Our post on healthy boundaries as a Christian explains why that matters.

If a friend tells you they are being hurt at home, or that they don’t feel safe, take it seriously. Our post on signs of an unhealthy relationship lists helplines, including one that gives free advice to worried friends.

If you need help now: the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free and open 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247, and it gives advice to friends and family too. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

When friendship hurts

Friendships can wound us too. If a friend has hurt you, forgiving someone who hurt you looks at what forgiveness does and does not ask of you.

The friend at the table

Tea Time With Thandie describes each episode as being like “sitting with a friend who loves you enough to ask the deeper questions”. That is a good picture of Christian friendship.

Listen to Tea Time With Thandie on the podcast page.